I signed up my baby for Kindergarten this week.   I am not ready to send her out into the big world, with big kids and people, without me.  She is way more ready than I am.

Just yesterday she was my baby.  This little ball of life that slept no where except on my chest for 12 months straight. At the time,  I don't think I cherished it as much as I should have.  In fact I know I didn't.

We have been on a kick at our house, watching old home movies. Mostly of Esdin,  his sweet voice signing and babbling. Running around in his underwear. Acting goofy. I don't remember him like that. I seriously don't know when he changed, when he grew up. In one movie, he is dancing on the deck in the rain- in his underwear.

He walks in the door, holds out his hand and says in this little voice

"come on mama, bon't de shy. come wid me and bance in de wain"...

It is the sweetest little voice. But honestly, I don't remember him sounding like that.

Every  other night is cuddle night at our house, usually Dennis  and Esdin pair up and McCaiden and I cuddle up and talk and fall asleep - long before the boys do.... us girls like our sleep! LOL

But as I lay there, we ALWAYS have to hold hands, her wearing my hat (because it smells like me) I got from Alana, Sam's wife, I look at her and try to burn that image, that moment into my mind.

I want to remember this when she is 16 and yelling at me about something teenager  related :)