I say this, I hate men... but I really don't. I just hate certain ones.
I married a fabulous man, who treats me with respect and loves me, even for my faults.

But the two that I work with on a day to day basis really are on my nerve... my last nerve that has been worn very thin. They are buddy buddy. Talk to each other, rarely ask my opinion any more. It seems as it is always me against them. Like my views mean nothing. I have been gone for 5 days and dreaded coming back to work today.

I recently did a sell sheet for them. They are over on the other side of the room critiquing it, as if I can't hear them. "why did she use this image" "too much going on" - hello, did you even look at the piece that you wanted me to replicate? "well I have this image she can use" - how come you didn't give me all the images to start with? If you knew you wanted a certain image, why waste your time and mine not giving me all the info?

And this dude can do no wrong in the bosses eye. Have you even given me a chance to prove myself? I have a wrong phone number on a card and you go haywire (but yet didn't bother to proof before it left the shop either) and he spells a word wrong on a flyer and you think its funny. My mistake was caught before it hit the printer, his cost you $340... but you think its funny.

Men can be such pricks. jerks. idiots. dumb-asses. dill-holes. asses.

Everyone can tell you, you have to be happy. Do what makes you happy. But it is so hard to leave the security of a paycheck for the uncertain world of - what? What do I even want to do? What will make me happy?

I feel totally lost. I didn't always feel this way. But lately I feel ganged up on and just totally stepped on and I swore I would never let someone step all over me...the way my parents did/do.

I just need that all time light to shine and say "do this, it will make you happy" and have the ability, the knowledge, the cash, the time, the patience to make it happen. I know that is a dream and in order to make your dreams reality you have to work at it. I am not afraid to work at what I love, I just don't know what I want to do... I don't know what my dreams are any more.