I need out of this job. I love what I do, I love my customers (for the most part) but it is not filling something. I feel I need to do something else. It is so hard to sit here, day after day, working on projects or fixing other projects, when I want to be out - creating something, selling something, SMILING!... its been a long time since I smiled here. This job is not making me happy. It is so hard to sit here day after day listening to him - my boss - dwell on stupid comments or make rude comments about people...
I have so many ideas and projects rolling around in my head but I am so drained mentally by the end of my day I just collapse, get up the next day and do it all again. I don't feel creatively challenged anymore. I don't have the ambition, money, or TIME to put into full filling my ideas. This job is draining me.
However I can't see myself leaving it. In today's economy, I can't risk that paycheck for my happiness. Isn't it sad that I just said that? I just said in a nutshell that my happiness isn't worth anything. How sad is that? I feel I have no out. I have been her 7 years, and honestly see myself going thru this for another 7 because I don't have a way to leave. As nerve-wracking as it is to listen to him day after day, he is good to me. Gives me the hours I need, the vacation... but what is my happiness worth? Is it worth putting us back in debt for 50 years because I want to be happy? Life is so confusing at times...