because we are

It's official - yup, I am famous.

2010-04-15T10:05:00.000-07:00

Well, not technically yet. But I am on my way. LOL

A couple posts ago I mentioned my intention to design some fabric. I love to design & I LOVE fabric, sounds like a match made in heaven.

Well I found this website

http://www.spoonflower.com/welcome

and if you search my name or you can directly to my site

http://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/emcmom

you can view my creations. I currently have only two posted, as it is taking some time to turn all my thoughts and sketches into digital masterpieces, but how cool is this?

Once I have a design up I can order my own fabric - anything from a swatch to a massive amount of yardage! Once I approve of the swatch, make any changes to the file I deem necessary, I can then put my designs up for sale. So anyone, say you, who happens to be in dire need of some awesome bird print material, can find me, and order my print!

I feel like a giddy school girl. I am beyond excited.

Just had to share :)

Three little things...

2010-04-08T11:27:00.000-07:00

I am thankful for many things in my life, but today - I am thankful for three little things....

In the grand scheme of life these things are not huge indicators of anything, they really make no difference one way or another. To anyone else but me these will mean nothing. Either way, life would continue on.

But to me, these mean alot today...

ONE... the kids had a dentist appointment today and NO CAVITIES ... thrilled, thrilled I tell you :)

TWO.... the painting is done! DONE! FINISHED! So excited! The colors are growing on me. At first I was like, oh my - what did I choose? But I like them now... and I will like them more tomorrow after my back and neck get to feeling better. Painting is tough work!

THREE.... Dennis is taking the kids Friday and Saturday to his parents - I get a whole evening, night and day alone! And now that the painting is done (see thankful thing #2) I can sit on my butt and sew!!! Just Bo and I. I can see it now. Me sewing, him laying on the floor chewing on a bone I covered in peanut butter to keep him entertained a while longer than usual. Praying for no thunder storms - because the dog doesn't like thunder, and I need a good nights sleep!

Burnt Pumpkin and Wilted Celery

2010-04-05T07:07:00.000-07:00

Sounds like some kind of nasty soup that I would have been fed as a child.

But actually, they are the colors the at I have FINALLY decided on for the downstairs living room.
They sound gross, but are so cool and will be perfect - I can just see it! And given any bit of luck, they will be on the walls and looking fabulous by the weekend! Its all coming together folks - its all coming together!

...I also have come to the conclusion that I want that job - the job of naming paint colors. Really, I do - how fun would that be!

I have also been contemplating fabric design...

How does one go about doing this? I know it takes forever and people are rejected repeatedly, I hear the fabric design world is brutal... but how fun would it be to do that? You can either created by hand or via computer.

So today, while outlining the upteenth fire truck for a upcoming show... my mind will be wondering to what would make a beautiful fabric - even if it never happens, it will be fun to think about. And lets face it, just about it anything is more fun then fire trucks and cranky customers :)

How easily I forget.

2010-03-26T13:13:00.000-07:00

I signed up my baby for Kindergarten this week. I am not ready to send her out into the big world, with big kids and people, without me. She is way more ready than I am.

Just yesterday she was my baby. This little ball of life that slept no where except on my chest for 12 months straight. At the time, I don't think I cherished it as much as I should have. In fact I know I didn't.

We have been on a kick at our house, watching old home movies. Mostly of Esdin, his sweet voice signing and babbling. Running around in his underwear. Acting goofy. I don't remember him like that. I seriously don't know when he changed, when he grew up. In one movie, he is dancing on the deck in the rain- in his underwear.

He walks in the door, holds out his hand and says in this little voice

"come on mama, bon't de shy. come wid me and bance in de wain"...

It is the sweetest little voice. But honestly, I don't remember him sounding like that.

Every other night is cuddle night at our house, usually Dennis and Esdin pair up and McCaiden and I cuddle up and talk and fall asleep - long before the boys do.... us girls like our sleep! LOL

But as I lay there, we ALWAYS have to hold hands, her wearing my hat (because it smells like me) I got from Alana, Sam's wife, I look at her and try to burn that image, that moment into my mind.

I want to remember this when she is 16 and yelling at me about something teenager related :)

I cried.

2010-03-17T06:17:00.000-07:00

... and I cried... Seriously? Cried? What kind of sap am I turning into in my 'old' age? LOL

A Robin has never really had a great significance in my life until about 4 years ago. Spring of 2006.

The morning Grandma passed away, a Robin appeared on our porch, tapping at the window on the door. It was there every morning for like a week! Then it moved to the downstairs window under the deck. Then in moved to the deck and built a nest and had 3 babies. The following year the Robin came back and built a nest in the garage. Not even scared when we walk up to it, just hops away, not startled.

My kids have come to know every Robin as "GG" - since my grandma is their great-grandma.

Well, yesterday while enjoying the warm weather on the deck. Sitting there just soaking up the sun and listening to the sounds (if I close my eyes, I can almost take myself back to summer vacations at grandma's cabin), I looked into the woods and there on the trail to the camp, I saw her.

A Robin... GG is back for the summer.

And I cried.

Making Progress....

2010-03-10T07:14:00.000-08:00

I understand that life is about small steps in the direction of a goal. I understand that progress takes time and just because you want something done 'now' doesn't mean it will happen. Small steps, patience, thinking it thru, all good qualities to have to reach your destination.

However, sometimes you just need to rip the band aid off, in one meaningful, yet painful swipe to get the picture across that you have had enough of the patient, small steps and the goal needs to be accomplished NOW. :)

We have been renovating our downstairs for years. Before McCaiden was born, we finished the living room and bedroom, making it a livable space and then we stopped... for 5 plus long years.
I hate the ceiling in our room, I hate the color, I hate the curtains, I hated my sewing room in the space that was supposed to be a bathroom, I hate the no trim up in the living room, hated walking thru the space, the clutter, the unorganization.

My husbands "it will get done." : "all in good time." : "everything will work out."... those speeches were not working for me any longer. So one day about 2 weeks ago, after my soap box lecture on how I don't want to live like this, I started taking down the boards on the ceiling in our bedroom. It was very freeing! LOL Dennis hated it, he was mad at me for a while. He is such a procrastinator, although he has gotten better, he is just lacks motivation. Well, by taking it into my own hands, I guess he got his motivation.

In the two weeks since I did that, we have finished our new bedroom - except doors (closet and doorway) and some trim along the bottom - but I am thrilled. We have also painted the old bedroom which will now be the sports den/computer room/tv room - it is awesome. I mixed paint we already had leftover from other projects - so the painting cost us a total of $5.00 total. Bold, awesome, just fabulous. Right now we are working on the ceiling in that room, which will take a bit, but it is coming along... WE are motivated :)

{by the way, he later thanked my for motivational removing of the boards}

Also, although small, I finally have my own sewing space... the walk in closet under the stairs is now an awesome shade of turquoise! And it holds all MY stuff :) it is perfect. I have yet to get in there and sew, but I have arranged everything (some new organizational tools will be bought) hung up important, inspirational stuff... I love it.

I am also noticing how my color choices have evolved! I love bold colors but have always shyed away from them, (what if I don't like it? what if it looks bad? what will so and so say?) well, you could say I have come out of my shell. Our new bedroom, while most of it is wood, honey colored, the rest is a deep charcoal gray. The entertainment room is a dark rust, brick on one wall and the other three are this olive, muddy, green color - sounds nasty but looks beautiful. And well of course, my sewing room - turquoise? yes! it is just perfect!!

Our next painting project is the living room downstairs. I better tackle it while I am still motivated... just can't decide on a color - remove the border, keep it? go bold or keep it simple?

So just remember, although baby steps get you where you want to be, eventually you may need to make the choice to just do it... take it by the horns and create something beautiful that makes you happy!!!

LISTS...

2010-02-26T06:48:00.000-08:00

I make lists.

There are at least 5 lists on the frig at any given time. Lists about when book orders are due, when the PTC is, what day I have shadow at school.

Grocery lists, to do lists, want lists... it goes on and on!

Here is what is currently running thru my head - I need to write it down!

- Find a new dentist - ours is leaving, rather abruptly and we need a new one!
- Make an eye appointment for Esdin
- Cookie dough fund raiser money due Monday
- Field trip money due Wednesday
- Clean the bathroom (scrubbed the tub last night, but I didn't get any further)
- order carpet for downstairs
- tear down the ceiling in one room downstairs and paint
- paint the ceiling and walls in the living room and bedroom down stairs
- order a fill up on the gas tank
- Kids need jeans - they both grew overnight I swear
- WORK - I am swamped with stuff - everyone wants something and they want it now
- my sewing - I need to sew! and I need to put it on the list or I don't get a chance to do it
- buy tickets for the circus! YEAH!
- buy tickets to go see NEMO on ice - YEAH!
- go to the bank and order a new debit card - long story, stupid banking people
- make an appt for Bo at the vet - he seems to have hurt his leg somehow - this after he ripped his ear open last weekend - blood everywhere! gag!

I think that sums it up. Besides cleaning like a mad woman when I get home tonight because Rachel, Chad and the boys are coming over so Chad and Dennis can play guitar together... I want a nice relaxing weekend. Besides the grocery shopping, jean shopping and going to the Rail Jam so Esdin can see the snowboarders - I hope it is a relaxing weekend! I need sleep!!!

Just because...

2010-02-18T08:13:00.001-08:00

Kari Asked For It! :)

I will post a real post soon :)

Growing up - right in front of me.

2009-08-26T07:36:00.000-07:00

About 10 days ago, we added a new family member - Bo. He is 7 weeks old and the cutest, hyper Beagle puppy - ever. Seriously. He has been with us only a short while and destroyed a slipper, my rug - on two corners, various socks, a chew toy and many plants in my yard. He seems to think the leaves of my glad flowers are attacking him and he must growl and bite at them!

We did not intend to get a puppy. But Esdin and McCaiden have been wanting a puppy or a cat. The cat is out because of my allergies and this opportunity came up. So part of Esdin's birthday present was Bo. Explaining before hand that the dog was his. He must take it out. He must feed and water it. He must play with it and clean up after it. Puppies/dogs are a lot of work! Esdin was all for it. No question about it, he wanted this dog!

In the 10 days since Bo came home with us, Esdin has grown up - literally I think over night. He never complains when Bo wants to go out while Esdin is watching his favorite TV show. He loves on him and shows him all kinds of attention. He even cleaned up the yard without complaint yesterday before going to his friends house. He even explains to Bo why he must stay in his box while we go to work..."...sometimes Bo, you have to face your fears, but just remember, I will always come back to you." - so sweet!

I was amazed. How much my son grew up with this task given to him and matured, right in front of me. Maybe its just because he is almost 9 and that is what happens, but most of me thinks that given the responsibility and he felt it was time to "man up" as he calls it and follow thru.

I am very proud of him!

... now on to 4th grade and this year should be interesting. For the first time in all his schooling our neighbor is in the same class with him. They are best buds but I can just see it now... the calls, the notes, the talking too much! Lord - here we go!

Can we say 2?

2009-08-14T10:35:00.000-07:00

Yes, I applied for yet another job... This one in my field, and still in GR but sounds very exciting. No news is good news and I was feeling rather thrilled that I actually put my name out there. Dennis had to pull this day to "say a stupid man thing" and it totally beat me down about changing jobs...ugghhh... men. I just wanted support. I just wanted someone to be thrilled like I was.

I got two beautiful letters of recommendation from friends I have worked for. Thanks ladies! They made me smile and totally made me feel worthy and appreciated. And we all know, that lots of days as a mom, you don't feel worthy and appreciated!

This weekend I hope is fun. I have sewing to do - I have such a cool idea for my fabric, Anut Molli :) (yes, that is supposed to say Anut) and I hope it turns out... 6 weeks and I can't wait. I am also a gluten for punishment and am doing two craft shows this fall. So I have plenty of things to accomplish before then.

Last night my little girl and I fell asleep on the couch watching Happy Feet. It was splendid. She is my cuddle monkey, my best friend. I love how she flops her arm over my face and her sweet breath on my cheek... Even though my arm was alseep and my neck and crink in it, I didn't dare move. I was enjoying it too much!

I did it!

2009-08-12T10:46:00.000-07:00

I applied for a job!
I think I might pass out!

Now, lets look at this thru unclouded eyes. It is not a graphic arts type of job that I have had for the past 12 years. But it is something that I can do. I am qualified.

I think it would be FUN!
I think it would be a POSITIVE work environment.
I think it would be beneficial to me financially and MENTALLY.

I know the chances are slim, but I will keep my hopes up.
This is just the beginning... baby steps...

Say a prayer! Keep your fingers crossed.

Worst they can say is no, right?

I love food :)

2009-08-10T05:33:00.000-07:00

This is something that I have known for like, forever. I love food.
I love to cook food. I love to smell it. I love to eat it. I even
LOVE to watch cooking shows and challenges and top chef shows.

I don't really know why I have this "issue" ... food for me is like
my drug. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't do drugs... I just
love it. Like right now, just thinking about cupcakes makes me want
to get up and make some. And I probably will ... and then I will
end up eating them!

There in lies the problem. I have no will power. Sitting across the
counter from me as I type this is a new box of Chex Mix Bars - Turtle
variety...."carmel covered corn chex pieces, wheat chex piece chocolate,
peanuts and pretzels". Can you say DELICIOUS! I seriously could
eat the entire box in one setting... and I just finished dinner,
I am NOT hungry. But the thought of it sounds so good, I could almost
convince myself that I am and eat one.. or two... or 6!

One thing I can thank my mother for (believe me there is not much)
is that I got a good metabolism. Although I can tell as I age that
it is slowing down. Or maybe it is the "left over baby weight"- yeah
thats it... my baby is 4.5 years old. I can't use that excuse forever.
I remember going to work with my mom and she had one drawer in her
desk - full of snacks... candy bars, chips, fun stuff to eat... what
was this, she didn't have this stuff at home.

I post a while ago about loosing weight. Lets see how I am doing.

I have cut out pop (just the occational sprite when i am need of
the bubbles!). During the day, I cut out snacking. I stopped going
to McD's on the way to work - yesterday I actually had strawberries
and oatmeal for breakfast -bad choice... strawberries make me itch,
but I digress. I have pushed back my lunch by about an hour so I
don't feel the need to snack all afternoon. And I haven't lost a
pound. Not an ounce.

I do have my downfall though... evening. Once the kids go to bed,
I feel the need to eat. I snack on every thing from gummie candies
(fat free - but 18 carbs) Chex Mix bars - mmmmmm, ice cream with nuts
and chocolate. You name it I will eat it!

This is me lately...

2009-07-31T09:56:00.000-07:00

***i stole this idea from another blogger :) ***

....wondering how I am going to stand putting my baby on the bus for the first day of preschool.

....wondering when the maid will come and fold all this laundry.. (we don't have a maid)

...wondering why boys are such daredevils.

....wishing my little girl could stay little forever, she is getting to big to fast.

....contemplating my next move in life - career wise.

...considering doing another bazaar/craft show in the fall to get rid of all these 'creations'.

....knowing that if I do a craft show - it won't be at the local Lutheran church - those ladies are crabby!

...wondering, just how much trouble I would get into for punching short man? seriously, how much?

....happy that this summer hasn't been unbelievably hot - thankful for the warmth and dreading the snow.

....considering a Christmas without so many toys!

....thinking of writing a book of sorts - so many stories, tales (fiction or non-fiction, even I am not sure) ... who knows!

...loving my new hair cut.

...feeling very grown up now that I own a flat iron.

...wondering what a Diet Coke would even taste like after going 2 months without one.

... still laughing at the thought of Esdin getting one pair of shoes, McCaiden getting 3 :) - Girls need options! I explained. And Payless was having a sale! Who can resist slip on black shoes with jingles! Or Princess tennis shoes! or Brown leather loafers for jumpers.

...editing photos for new note cards.

...wanting to go home on this Friday afternoon... No ambition, none.

Fruits of my labor

2009-07-30T06:16:00.001-07:00

My scrap blankets!
These are in various stages of completion. Some are done, some need binding, some need to be quilted....Some are small, dolly size and others are larger. It all depends on the amount of fabric I had... Except for the back on 2 and the batting, I had all this fabric - plus a ton more! on hand.

McCaiden loves this one,
"Smiley Faces Log Cabin" (35"x47").

"Neapolitan - Crazy Squares" (26"x30")

"Jumping Monkeys" (22"x22") - flannel and so soft!!!

This one is so ugly its cool! All this fabric except two big squares was bought for $1 - maybe two years ago? at a garage sale! The backing is fabric from my Grandma's stash that has been stashed at my house for over 3 years!
"Crazy Patches" (50"x70")

I love the way this turned out! So fun and bright. Just strips of all kinds of fun girly fabric sewn together.
"Stripes" (56"x50")

This one is flannel fabric squares and soft corduroy back...
"Simple Squares" (28"x28")

"Crazy Pinwheels" (50"x36")

"On the Angle" (23"x23")

This one was fun! I dyed this one in Starbucks coffee! Even though it has been washed, it stills gives off the faint smell of coffee... and the colors came out muted and "uneven" - I really like the way it ended up.
"Starbucks" (48"x37")

I am working on one more right now that is a log cabin front and a flannel safari animals back - very cute for a little boy. I also have to finish the LARGE blanket I started some 2 years ago... all corduroy squares from Grandma's stash that Aunt Mari thought I needed :)

Finding pleasure in the sweet sounds of bickering :)

2009-07-27T09:32:00.000-07:00

Sunday was boys day... the men of the house went to get all of Esdin's gear for football. I really don't want him to play football. I will be honest, I don't think he is cut out for a full-on, contact sport. He is more of a meek hearted person, and quite frankly I don't want him to get hurt! However, I was told by my husband that I can't not let him play. Apparently my MIL didn't let the boys play football in school for the same reasons and well, I don't want to be like my MIL :)
After the trip to the football store and the guitar store, they played putt putt golf and took a trip on the go carts.

Esdin crashed... 30mph right into a wall of tires. The guy had held up a sign, saying one more lap and Esdin was trying to read it, and not looking at where he was going missed a turn and crashed. Chin hit chest, chipped a tooth, knocked a couple permanate teeth loose, burned his neck and under his chin with the seatbelt, glasses flew off across the track.

Dennis said he was fine but shook up. He cried a bit at home about it. I called the doctor - looking for signs of a concussion and being an overly concerned mother, no doubt.

He is fine! Ate dinner fine and by 7:30 was outside playing outside with a bucket on his head and a superman cape on his back. What a relief.

Nothing like an injury to bring you back to reality and make you not care quite so much that they (Esdin and McCaiden) can't get along over a laser gun...or are quibbling about what snack to have before bedtime. I actually quite enjoy the sounds of the bickering...relish that they are making noise... when you know the situation could be so much worse.

So enjoy the noise!

BTW - while the boys were out being crazy and crashing, the girls bought nail polish, sun catchers and made cupcakes - so much more fun :)

A new light at the end of a very dark tunnel...

2009-07-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

A lady that I used to do work for has recently changed paths... she was teaching at Grand Valley and is searching out new opportunities for something, anything... We are meeting for a beer soon to discuss what we can do, together. I love her. She is such a positive light, a really vibrant person but not overbearing or controlling. She values all opinions and we work really well together.
This may be it... I have really good feelings about this -scared, but good!:)

This may be my time to move on... Send some positive thoughts.

Last night I also finished 3 of my 10 - yes, 10 - scrap blankets/quilts... hand tied, binding done... of course I type this with a blister on the end of my finger from the needle (hand stitching the binding) and I forgot my thimble, but yeah, its worth it... :) Now don't think I am some awesome quilter... these are smaller, some are twin, a couple are larger, but mostly they are snuggle, cuddle size or great for dolly blankets :) NO clue what I am going to do with them... but it has been a fun ride!

I hate men...

2009-07-22T09:58:00.000-07:00

I say this, I hate men... but I really don't. I just hate certain ones.
I married a fabulous man, who treats me with respect and loves me, even for my faults.

But the two that I work with on a day to day basis really are on my nerve... my last nerve that has been worn very thin. They are buddy buddy. Talk to each other, rarely ask my opinion any more. It seems as it is always me against them. Like my views mean nothing. I have been gone for 5 days and dreaded coming back to work today.

I recently did a sell sheet for them. They are over on the other side of the room critiquing it, as if I can't hear them. "why did she use this image" "too much going on" - hello, did you even look at the piece that you wanted me to replicate? "well I have this image she can use" - how come you didn't give me all the images to start with? If you knew you wanted a certain image, why waste your time and mine not giving me all the info?

And this dude can do no wrong in the bosses eye. Have you even given me a chance to prove myself? I have a wrong phone number on a card and you go haywire (but yet didn't bother to proof before it left the shop either) and he spells a word wrong on a flyer and you think its funny. My mistake was caught before it hit the printer, his cost you $340... but you think its funny.

Men can be such pricks. jerks. idiots. dumb-asses. dill-holes. asses.

Everyone can tell you, you have to be happy. Do what makes you happy. But it is so hard to leave the security of a paycheck for the uncertain world of - what? What do I even want to do? What will make me happy?

I feel totally lost. I didn't always feel this way. But lately I feel ganged up on and just totally stepped on and I swore I would never let someone step all over me...the way my parents did/do.

I just need that all time light to shine and say "do this, it will make you happy" and have the ability, the knowledge, the cash, the time, the patience to make it happen. I know that is a dream and in order to make your dreams reality you have to work at it. I am not afraid to work at what I love, I just don't know what I want to do... I don't know what my dreams are any more.

I am jumping on the bandwagon...again...

2009-07-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I am so fed up with my body!

I have on and off over the past year, tried so many things... but food is my THING! I love food, I honestly just need to think about food and suddenly I believe I am hungry and need to eat. I spend about 8 minutes on the treadmill and feel as though my legs are going to fall off and my chest is going to explode.

I am out of shape! I am REALLY out of shape!!!!

I gave up pop on May 28 and haven't had a diet Coke since! yeah me - HUGE accomplishment.
If I can do that, I CAN do this!!!

This time I am going to do it! I am going to say no to food! I despise the way my clothes fit or don't fit, the way I look in and out of my clothes. I think that is a big part of my depression, anxiety, stress - I hate the way I look.

So next week - lets say Wednesday I will start... I will be back from vacation and I can focus on me.

Not exactly sure of my plan of attack yet, but I swear that I will be on the treadmill everyday, eat only at meal times - no snacking, and eat tons of protein and vegetables. I will pack my lunch everyday at work, no more eating from cafeteria.

I will keep you posted!

My best buddy...

2009-07-08T06:06:00.000-07:00

Who knew this girl could change my world so much!?

I will admit, I never wanted a daughter. I was scared to death to have a girl and repeat the mistakes of my mother and I. When we found out that we were having a girl, I was terrified.

This little girl has been such a blessing in my life. Don't get me wrong, my son is my life to, but I have a different relationship with him. He and I like to butt heads :)

McCaiden and I have had an instant bond since she was born. She slept ON me for the first 9 months of her life. She and I understand each other, we know how to communicate with each other and we truly are best buddies.

For the 4th this year we went to my husbands hometown of Harrison, MI and watched the parade, hung out with his brother and saw an absolutely awesome fireworks display. While my husband was feeling nostalgic at the fact that he was bringing his kids back to the place he watched fireworks as a kid, I was in heaven. Sitting on the hood of the car, McCaiden's little arms wrapped around my neck watching the beautiful colors light up the sky. This was her first fireworks display. She kept saying to me "Say that again, Momma... Say "Ooh, Beautiful" - I like when you say that."... What a priceless moment for me....

This post doesn't do justice to what I feel for this little girl. Yes, she drives me nuts some days and I am sure in the future there will be door slamming and the I am sorries will not come as fluidly after a timeout but for now I just want to cherish the fact that she loves me because I am her mom. And in that alone, I have proven that the cycle does not have to repeat itself :)

Do I need to spell it out?

2009-07-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

So Monday this week, the sitter was unable to come over and Dennis had meetings on the East side of the state so it was decided that Esdin would spend the day with my parents. Well, McCaiden couldn't be left out so she went to. Both my parents seemed happy that they were coming over. Going to spend the whole afternoon with their grandchildren.

Esdin himself could spend countless hours exploring the woods, going fishing, trampsing around the farm. McCaiden would love to bake cookies with grandma or go exploring herself.
I called about 3 hours after they got there to make sure all was fine, as my kids have never spent the day alone with my parents.

My mom answers the phone... McCaiden was coloring a pic, Mom was reading a book, Dad was sleeping and Esdin was playing army guys. What part of spend the day with your grandchildren don't you get? You complain and complain how you never see them. You are given this opportunity and you blow it by napping and reading some trashy love book?

My saint of a husband actually picked up the kids around dinner and stayed for dinner with my parents....Of course it was brought up that if you don't clear you plate, you won't get dessert... Lord, Dennis thought, here we go!

Now, on a side note, the kids said they had fun but Esdin's favorite part was coming home to see me :) And McCaidens favorite part was picking flowers in grandmas garden for me :)

I on the other hand, was bored after the first couple hours alone and it was so quiet. I don't know how to handle the quiet. I forced myself to not clean and do laundry... I sewed, I ate, I watched Tori & Dean Inn Love :)... it was a great evening.

My newest ambition...

2009-06-29T10:38:00.001-07:00

To use all (ok, not all, that would be near impossible) but nearly all my fabric in one form or another before purchasing more. I am really excited to do this. I am using all I have, that isn't enough for really anything else and making blankets... I have no idea what size they will end up and I don't have a clue who is going to get them but this is going to be fun. I just need to use up some of this stuff. Plus with the reno done upstairs, we are starting on the downstairs and hopefully by Christmas or next tax season we will have the bathroom done downstairs and I will be moving "my room" elsewhere.

I have two done, I just have to finish the binding. I have six more ready to be created.

I went thru all my fabric and divided it up. One girly, one more boyish, one neutral, one crazy fun, one just plain solid colors

I also was given a rather large box of 2"squares and plan to sew those together in no apparent order to create some awesome masterpiece. Also I almost have my scrap quilt nearly done, just need to find something to bind it with.

As well I am working on McCaiden's bird quilt and Esdin's puzzle quilt. And I started a creation out of the yarn that A-NUT Molli gave me (thanks :) )
So much sewing! I am excited!

And the perfect time to work on it... its raining and the kids are grandma's house (fingers crossed for a good day) while dad is at meetings in Saginaw... So I have until 10pm tonight - ALONE :) That hasn't happened in FOREVER!!!!

What is the point?

2009-06-15T08:15:00.000-07:00

What is the point in being nice to someone when they turn and stab you in the back?

What is the point in being nice to someone's face and then turn and tell someone else crap about you?

It is all so high school and in posting this, I feel as though I have myself reverted back to my days in school. It all just sucks and is not the way I wanted to start my week after a great weekend!

Not long ago my beauty of a girl had her first dance recital. Beautiful, isn't she?

We of course invited both sets of grandparents. Dennis' parents were more than happy, thrilled to come over and watch their only granddaughter dance. Yes, they didn't mind driving 3 hours one way to sit in a high school gym for 2 hours. They rode with my parents. Who were constantly asking questions... how long is her dance? how long will we be there? does she have to stay for the whole thing? will we have to sit on bleachers?

After the grand event, it was McCaiden's day and she wanted to go to Mugsy's for corn dogs and pickles. It is a local 60's style drive up diner with the best burgers and homemade root beer, and of course the best shredded pickels (she ate 3 servings, and brought some home :) ). And, hell, we thought that the parents might like it. It was from their "era", if you will.

Now, granted, the recital was in Morely and the diner was in Newaygo... about 20 minutes or so apart from each other... but, so what? who cares?

Everyone went and fun was all had by all... or so I thought.

Apparently my parental units were not thrilled to have to drive "20 minutes in the opposite direction of home for some burgers and fries".... They told my brother that it was a "hole in the wall" (which it is) and they messed up dad's order (which they did - oh heavens, he got fries instead of onion rings and then they gave him a free order).... my brother said they were rolling their eyes about it and were completely disgusted that they had to drive "so far" for a burger...

Don't they get it wasn't about the burgers? It was about McCaiden.

Why do I even try to pretend to like these people? It hurts worse that they are making snide and mean comment behind my back.

My husband keeps saying... you can't change them, don't let them get to you. How can I not? They are my parents! I understand where he is coming from... but he has an awesome relationship with his parents and they don't talk about us unkindly behind our backs.

I didn't post this to get sympathy or anything. I posted this get it off my chest and let it out... I just want to cry. I want to scream. I want to tell them that they suck as parents, as people, as humans. I want to know what the hell I did to get dealt this hand. Why couldn't I get great parents?

Being A Mom...

2009-05-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

Its the best and hardest job in the world, isn't it...? Every day I find myself trying so hard to engrave sites, sayings and actions that my kids do into my brain so I won't ever forget them. I mean really, how does one love someone so much???

Happy Mothers Day to me and to you! I hope it is wonderful and special and perfect in every way!

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming childï
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom..
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom .

...i like this one...

2009-05-01T13:37:00.000-07:00

question, if you bought a pack of note cards... do you like to get all the same or a few different ones to choose from within the same pack?

:)thank you...

... molli... isn't this is a cute picture of McCaiden and Linda? I really like it...

...starting out...

2009-05-01T12:08:00.000-07:00

....Your thoughts???
I also has some more "artsy" ones but I have to work on those a bit more.
I envision 3 in pack with a ribbon and tag with some bit of inspiration printed on it...
Each card and tag are, or will be, printed on a smooth, creamy 100% green wind power produced recycled paper.

So now I want your input... if you walked into a store/shop would you be inclined to purchase a note card set... nature inspired? artistic? blank or with a statement?

Miss Karley - you are the certified expert in Indie shopping - your input is invaluable to me!!!

Just Breathe!!!!

2009-04-30T07:09:00.000-07:00

As if my life wasn't busy enough, I am going to TRY really HARD to promote myself at some local venues.... I am going to research some local shops that carry commission work from local individuals. Notecards with my photography, maybe some craft projects that I create. Whatever... I have to, no choice. No one is going to believe in me if I don't believe that I can do this myself. That, and my prick boss decided to cut my hours, again... while part of me is ok with it - I get to spend more time with the kids this summer, part of me is crushed. That is a HUGE chunk of money gone every month....
So here I go! Taking the Plunge! Jumping in with both feet... as soon as I catch my breath! LOL
The next few weeks are going to be fun and busy! Tball starts Monday, dance recital, field trips ( I get to chaperone!), spring carnival, teacher appreciation at school, only 28 days till the last day of school! We have two weddings, flea markets and just in general ice cream eating and park playing! We still haven't found anyone to watch Esdin this summer... hopefully Emalee will be able to a couple days a week...

I finished (almost) McCaidens forever quilt top and started on Esdin's.... I hope to finish the quilt tops by the time for our upnorth weekend... when is that????

So short and sweet - there it is...
Wish me luck!

Did I just say that outloud?

2009-04-17T13:03:00.000-07:00

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.- Eleanor Roosevelt

That is such a great quote. But yet so hard for me to wrap my brain around. I tend to lean towards the side of making myself feel inferior, that in turn opens the door for others to make me feel inferior as well.

Self confidence, self-esteem and just plain old believing in yourself are real hurdles for me. A lot of it stems from a childhood of never being good enough, smart enough, quick enough... or at least not being told that I was good enough, smart enough or quick enough by the people that I wanted to hear it from the most.... my parents. I heard it from multiple other people, my aunts, my uncles, my grandparents and now my husband and his family...but never, in my memory, have I heard it from them - until recently (more on that in a moment :) ). But part of it also stems from my job...in this field someone is always going to have an opinion on how things could be better, different. And there are days when you love what you created, you feel great when you accomplish something you didn't think you knew how to do and then someone has one thing that may be negative to say about it and it shoots you down and any amount of confidence you had built up is wiped out. I am not saying I want to be always told that I am the best or the greatest... but words of praise and excitement about something you created are always nice to hear.

Being a parent is a job that I take great pride in and want to be a great parent. For the longest time I just wanted the approval from my own parents that I was doing a good job as a parent. Not that I figured I would ever get one, but I always wanted it. I get the words of praise and compliments from my in-laws, but not my own parents...that can be very disheartening. I have never gotten the "pat on the back", the "you are doing a great job" from my own parents. What I have gotten from them is "why did you name them that?" "why do you let him eat that?" "why is she still up at this time?"...

Recently, without even really thinking, I extended the olive branch and invited them over for Easter Dinner. Keep in mind, I very rarely want to even be in the same room with them. The very thought of smelling my mother's perfume or listening to her voice makes me cringe. But, at the time of the invite, I was feeling rather good about myself....I had just gotten new glasses, glasses I wanted, glasses I liked! and I was feeling pretty good about how I looked in them. So much so that I wore them in public and to work - I haven't worn glasses in public in well over 20 years! They had called about something and were on the phone with my husband and out of no where came the "invite them to dinner"... did I just say that outloud?

So they came and the day went well. Everyone was pleasant and the kids enjoyed their company. They each took a turn at Esdin's "putt putt golf" that he had created in the backyard. They played Wii* bowling and sat in McCaiden's room playing Little Pet Shop people.

I received an email from my dad that night... "thanks for dinner, everything was wonderful. You can tell by the way the kids act that you and Dennis are wonderful parents." - good thing I was sitting down when I read that. I can't honestly remember the last time I heard anything positive from them about my life and what I have created. Now let me preface this with, my dad is not the favorite of a lot of people and he didn't have the guts to say this to our faces but the fact that he said it all is huge to me.

Amazing how two sentences, one email, can make my self esteem just blossom. It makes me feel as though I am doing something right. This is not to say all is well with the relationship between them and I, it is far from right - but it sure was nice to hear. And this is also not to say that I don't have moments, days where I wonder - whats the point? No one really cares about what I did... but as with everything in life, its a learning experience and one that you can only get out of it what you put into it... so I am putting a lot of effort into believing in myself, so others will believe in me to.

Planning my return!

2009-04-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

we have been busy...

...baking cookies...

...discovering dinosaurs...

...having frosting food fights...

...being silly pirates...

...being goofy indians...

I promise to be back in full swing of blogging next week... I have been just swamped with work and life and with the weather being nicer, I don't spend as much time in front of the computer at home any more! But, per the request of a certain someone, I will return to fill your mind with useless knowledge and information about my crazy life!

I will return~!

Where to begin...? Where have I been?

2009-02-18T13:50:00.000-08:00

Lets see, it started a couple weeks ago, when my prick, chauvanistic boss hired another guy in the office - a short guy, none-the-less. So my time has been spent justifying myself everyday to two dudes that think every woman is "hormonal" and it is isn't true until a man says it! MAN - I need a new job!!!

Then my daughter, my baby, my monkey, my best buddy - turned 4! Where has time gone? She still doesn't sleep thru the night but at least now, its for a drink of water or to find a lost night night! Not the crying filled nights of the first two years of her life! We went to Chuckee Cheese and "it was the best day of my life" to quote her! The grandparents on both sides came over - shocking... my parents actually went to Chuckee Cheese, with all the loud noises, lights and constant action, there was no time for a nap before the return trip home! - yes, I am being a little sarcastic - but true... so true.

Monday was my ankle surgery... I was a basket case! I was so nervous this time. But I came thru with flying colors and because my lovely (hear the sarcastic tone) boss is a wingnut, I get to return to work on Thursday... Turns out I did a lot of damage to my ankle back when I fell in November (I fell after stepping on boot left by my husband on a step - and I have not let him forget it : ) ) The surgeon said I totally ripped one of my ligaments so he removed that and I had a cyst that had formed and was causing a bruising on my ankle bone... so he removed that... my ankle looks nasty! Swollen and purple and I can't get this damn iodine off to save my life! On the other hand, i have popped more motrin in the past few months than I have my entire life, so I look forward to the day I don't need them anymore! On a side note, my husband is extremely sorry for leaving that boot on the step... he has apologized more in the last 3 days than our whole marriage!

So now I am recovering but had to give up my spot on the couch to my son - who now has a sore throat and a fever... I hate germs! I hate winter! Sickness stresses me out!!!

So - that is what I have been up to lately! Busy busy, I hope things calm down!!

I was so productive this weekend!

2009-02-02T12:09:00.000-08:00

With Dennis gone all weekend to watch the Super Bowl with family, I finally got into the groove of sewing - albeit with my left foot not my right! LOL (My surgery is the 16th! Finally, pain relief!!!) Sometimes however, McCaiden would lay under the table and push the peddle with her foot, she loved it - although at times she went SUPER fast, it was a little crazy :)

I made two quilt tops out of fabric I had. They turned out super cute... They are not large, they measure probably about a crib quilt in size.

One is all smiley faces and bright bold colors in a log cabin pattern. McCaiden has claimed it as her own already. That is one thing my kids don't need - is another blanket! But she loves it and can't wait to "cuddle" with it.

The other is a pieced in the pattern of a ?fence rail? maybe? I don't really know the names, but it turned out cute. Its in burgandy, olive, mustards with a hit of turquoise... and cream muslin. Looking at it now, it is too cream. So my idea is dye it with coffee. Wish me luck here, never personally done it but I have seen the result after my Aunt (or Anut :) ) - did it and it really muted the colors and gave the piece a worn look, something I want for this piece. The cafe here at work sells Starbucks coffee and at the end of the day, they throw it out! So they are giving it to me :) I don't drink it so we don't have any at home, so I hope this works out.

I have a third started, its on the kitchen table now - hmm, wonder where we will eat dinner? LOL This one is brown, ivory and pink... argyles and polka dots! Each square is random, some pieced, some solid... triangles are my nemisis in sewing so I am tackling that this time.

After they are finished, I have to find a backing, batting and have the quilted somewhere. With my luck I will never get that far. They will probably end up in a tote, like other projects, to be discovered in 40 years by my daughter - and finished then! Best part of it all is I feel like I accomplished something! And I used fabric I already had and spent no money! It was fun and I missed that for a while with projects!

Next project, after surgery - paint the entry/living room and our bedroom!!! Gotta convince the husband that is a good idea first :)

Barack Obama - 44th President of the USA

2009-01-21T06:38:00.000-08:00

What a magical, historical day.
January 20, 2009
I sat on the couch for nearly 75% of the day, playing play doh and watching the TV.

I just can't seem to get over the fact that they, the Obama's, seem so normal, so regular, so me. I have said it before, I like the way he speaks, the way he carries himself, the relationship it appears that he has with his daughters and his wife. He is a man's man but yet so grounded. Its like I want to be his neighbor or his cousin or his long lost college buddy.

I want to shake his hand. I want to say thank you and I am sorry at the same time.

Thank you for opening my eyes and making me believe that there is a way out of this mess. Thank you for giving me the light at the end of the tunnel, that cliche "beacon of hope". Thank you for speaking to me in terms that I understand and in concepts that I can grasp. I am not a political person by any stretch of the imagination, this is the first election I have ever even cared about, the first election I ever voted in.

I also want to say I am sorry to him. The weight of the world is literally on his shoulders, the stress that must have on him is enormous. I fear for his safety and that of his family. I am sorry that even though he asked for this, we seem to have put him in this position that he can fix it all and I believe he can, but what if he can't? He didn't put us in this mess but what if he can't fix it? stop it? correct it?

So many Americans look up to him at this point as the man that will make it all better, return us to the prosperous days of the past and fix the wrongs. One can only hope and pray that he can. That he continues on his journey with class and dignity and that he can convince others that change is needed, it is inevitable and the time has come for a new outlook... and new start....

What inspires me?

2009-01-19T09:39:00.000-08:00

My friend, Karley (author of the Chic and Green blog and expert in everything beautiful) had an interesting blog entry recently about inspiration. What inspires you, what gives you the freedom to create, and just in general what do you love?

My inspirations have changed thru my life. I can honestly say that when I was younger and in my 20's even, my inspiration was pulled from art and artist like Jackson Pollock. I liked graphic, abstract things. Bold colors and sharp contrasts. I pulled from what others were doing around me and tried to work it out in my mind to see things how they did and never really came into my own until recently.

Now, however, I find inspiration in simple things. I find it in my kids and their imagination. Besides patience, my kids have taught me to find the beauty in many mundane, everyday things like the joy of a frog, dragonfly or the perfection of Springs first tulip. I find it in the world around me in sunsets and trees, the sky and clouds. I could honestly spend all day just staring at the sky on a warm sunny day. Thinking.

I find it in simple lines like those of Frank Lloyd Wright, my all time favorite architect. I read his books and find inspiration. My color palette these days is very muted, earth tones, but I do love the occasional whimsy of polka dots and I love stripes. I find inspiration in the things we may take forgranted like health and wisdom. Things you can't really touch but they give me great peace and make me relaxed enough to enjoy the small wonders around me.

Fabric gives me great inspiration, so much so that I become overwhelmed by all the possibilities and need to remove myself from the store! lol I love all the combinations and textures and the colors! Color is such a wonderful thing!

On the walls of my corner of the world, I have pictures of my kids, my grandparents. A framed piece of fabric from my grandmother. 3 "party hats" made my kids for my last birthday. A tie that was my grandfathers and some marker drawings I did in college that I can't bear to part with.

Inspiration can really come from anything, Creativity has to come from within yourself and I feel it is a result of being inspired. Find what inspires you and see what you can create.

Just a rambling...

2009-01-15T06:49:00.001-08:00

It is so cold here. -5 this morning without the windchill. Brutally cold - and dark. On Monday's and Thursday's I have to be at Physical Therapy by 7:00AM - So I have to leave my house - on a good day of travel I need to leave my house by 6:30AM - that means I have to be up and awake by 5:30 - please. Only old people rise that early and then they get a nap in the afternoon.

We are already thinking about where we are going on vacation this year. The first year we went on "vacation" was 2005 - McCaiden was 6 months old and we spent a few days in Mackinaw City... it was fun. In 2006, we ventured to Whitefish Point. What a beautiful place that is. We had the best time, the trip home was less than fun (car issues and BAD weather, no gas stations with electricity, the middle of nowhere - you see the scary movie happening in real life here?), but the vacation itself was great and we can't wait to go back there. In 2007, we went to Leelanau Peninsula and stayed at a great stone cottage on a Century Farm. That by far has been our best vacation yet. The kids still ask to go back there all the time. Last year we went to my Aunt's cabin in Fife Lake. We had a blast walking the railroad tracks and feeding the fish. Very relaxing. This year we are thinking of changing it up a bit. We are thinking of going to Bear Cave in Buchanan - Esdin will love this and it sounds like fun and then from there head to Chicago for a trip the Shedd Aquarium...Both kids will LOVE this and I hope we will too!

So much we want to do this summer. McCaiden and I are bound and determined to make our garden grow this year. Last year we got green beans and carrots, but the squash never produced any vegetables. I assume its because we had no bees to pollinate the flowers, as our Orkin guy pretty much killed all insects and bugs in a hope to rid our yard of carpenter ants. So that is our mission this year - a good garden. Esdin can't wait to ride his bike again. Although I think he may be in need of a new one, he has grown so much in the past 6 months, he is up to my shoulders!

So not much point to this post, other than a dream of warmer weather activities and fun in the sun!

Updated look...

2009-01-12T07:48:00.000-08:00

Done for now! Let me know if you like it :)

NEW LOOK...

2009-01-09T13:49:00.001-08:00

Sorry for the drab appearance... I am renovating!
Don't worry, it won't be this dull looking forever :)

How do "they" know???

2009-01-09T10:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday afternoon/evening I was outside, standing in the cold and snow, watching the kids sled down the driveway. Ahh, the life of a mother. I would have much rather been inside laying on the couch with a bag of frozen peas on my ankle, but no - gotta take advantage of good sledding weather while we can!

McCaiden is a daredevil - that girl gave me a heart attack more than once as she whizzed by yelling, "I will be back!" LOL Esdin started a run down the hill, rather than the driveway. With the nice fresh, fluffy snow on top of the hardened, icy snow - he could get going quite fast - dodging small pine trees all the way. At the end of run was a large bump that caused him (or McCaiden) to go flying into the air... how fun, right? Well, when you are almost 4 and 8 - yes that is fun!

But as I am standing there, watching for cars, reading the mail, I started to wonder... How do "they" know that no two snowflakes are alike? HOW? I mean, how do "they" know that the snowflake that just fell on my hand is not exactly like one that fell in Russia 5 days ago, or Colorado last year? HOW???

And, while on that thought, who are "they"? "They" say you should do this or that, not eat that or this, never do that when you are doing this, but who are "they"? And why do we always listen to them??? :)

No real point to this post, just a curious pondering....

So many thoughts, ideas - no ambition!

2009-01-07T09:49:00.001-08:00

I hate this! I have so many things that I want to accomplish... paint the entry way, finish this sewing project or start this one. I have craved chocolate cupcakes with mock whip creme frosting for weeks now and I haven't made them yet. My sewing room is a disaster and it bothers me to even turn on the light... I am neat freak! I like organization and things have places to be not just hap-hazordly strewn about.

I have no ambition! I swear this ankle injury has taken all my gumption. All I want to do is lay on the couch and watch Real Housewives and Top Chef reruns!

I have tried to take up knitting again, but one can only make so many wash cloths (the only thing I know how to make) before that gets boring. And to be honest, I don't know how much Uno, Bug-Opoly or legos I can continue to play laying on the couch! LOL

I need a vacation in a nice warm weather place. This winter is dragging me down. Ironically, as I type this, I am not depressed about all of this, I almost laughing at myself because of all of it. How psycho does that make me?

I think I will force myself to stop at the store tonight and buy a cake mix- and make those damn cupcakes! Chocolate always makes it better right!? Or maybe Peanut Butter Fudge... hmmm, oh great! Another thing to add to my list!

Ahh, the New Year...

2008-12-31T06:14:00.000-08:00

A time to make all those resolutions... lose weight, exercise, be more patient, etc. etc... and then to break them all before the end of January!

I usually do make myself the resolution to exercise more and loose some weight but this year I might actually do it. I am just feeling really blah, really not happy with my body. I can't do anything about the stretch marks (or battle scars rather) left to me by my children but I can - maybe - tone and tighten! I refuse to diet, food is my drug. I love food, I eat ALL the time, seriously... as I type this I am drinking my morning diet Pepsi (its like my coffee!) eating graham crackers and snacking on mint candies...I eat when I am bored, tired, mad, stressed, hungry, not hungry... I just love food. So if I wish to continue this, I must exercise! I must walk! I must just not lay on the couch by 9pm every night eating potato chips once the kids go to bed! But, and I am sure you do, know how hard it is to not do that? Especially right now, with all this snow and frigid temperatures, curling up under a blanket on the couch, eating sounds mighty right just about now!

One main resolution this year I am going to TRY very hard to keep and remind myself daily to do is to be more patient with the kids. I don't think I truly learned patience until I became a mom. Kids teach you just much, if not more, than you teach them. But during certain moments of stress and life, I find myself acting out and not being patient with them. I so don't want them to grow up in the same type of house I did, where yelling was a daily event and snide remarks were made more often than kind ones... so that is my biggest battle in the coming new year. Stay calm, stay patient and just live and learn....

So what are your new years resolutions? Will you keep them? Lets talk in two weeks and see!

My Etsy shop is re-opening....

2008-12-29T09:47:00.000-08:00

January 6, 2009
Mark your calendars!
Call the papers!
Shout it from the roof tops!
Tell your friends and your neighbors!

WOW - don't get too excited, I don't want you to be let down :)....

I changed my name, again! ..and I hope to keep this for a while as I think it sums up me the best.

I will still have a few sewing projects once in a while, but with my right ankle messed up, I find it hard to press that foot pedal and pushing it with the left foot just feels weird! So once I heal up completely, I will feature some sewing projects.

My main focus will be on photography, design and the like. I love taking photos and doing design that I like to do, not necessarily what someone needs or wants me to do.

So please, stop by and visit!

www.purplegecco.etsy.com

Such stressful, beautiful holidays!

2008-12-29T09:38:00.001-08:00

What a great Christmas we had! The kids were so excited and it was just fun. I have been really trying hard to see things thru their eyes, appreciate the grandness of it all, the lights, the gifts, just really enjoy the moment. As adults, we sometimes loose that and its hard to get back!

We don't have too many traditions in our house when it comes to Christmas. We add one every once in a while... last year we made our own gingerbread houses - girls (McCaiden and I) against boys (Dennis and Esdin)... We just use graham crackers, royal icing and every candy under the sun. It is so much fun and the kids really like doing it.

We did it again this year and it was fun. We didn't travel too much over the holidays, just a one day trip to the grandparents and back. My brother was home for the holiday so it was nice to see him and his wife for a while.

As beautiful as the holidays are, they always seem so stressful! This year was a little less because of the less traveling, but tensions run high in my family between my parents and I and that causes such stress. It is something I bring on myself... I try to stand up for myself and I get beat back down... it is really depressing that at this age I am still trying to make them happy. Sad, really.

But whats done is done and ahead I trek. I vow to make the new year great. I vow to stand up for myself more when it comes to my parental units. I vow to be a better parent to my kids and I vow to lose 20lbs! LOL Once I get this darn cast off my ankle, that is!

My ETSY shop is closing...temporarily!

2008-12-03T11:44:00.000-08:00

I need to work out somethings and take some time to think. Lots going on in my career, home life and with the holidays, well... I will reopen after the new year, hopefully well stocked and ready to conquer the world.
Right now I need to focus on making cookies with the kids and enjoying the lights and music of the season... seeing my kids get so excited for the holiday really helps you see what the season is about.

Mom, Who paints the sky?

2008-11-19T15:23:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I believe this, but I do. And I like that my kids now believe it to.

We have had some beautiful clouds lately, awesome sunsets this summer. I never fully appreciated the sky and its beauty until my Grandpa passed away. He was a farmer and was always looking to the sky and talking about he clouds, the forecast, etc. I miss him dearly, think about him daily and am lucky enough to have two kids who inherited his ears : ). Esdin only met Grandpa a couple times, McCaiden never met him. But we talk about him enough that they know who Great Grandpa Frank is. I like that. Anyway, back to the sky....

... For what ever reason, since he passed I have had a firm belief that he is up in heaven and up there he is in charge of the sky. He is in charge of the clouds, the colors, the rainbows, the color of blue... that is his job. I don't know why I think that. But I find great comfort and I really enjoy his works of art. He has made some awesome skies... and I am thankful that I have been able to appreciate them.

Since Esdin was little, I have always told him that Great Grandpa Frank paints the skies.. and now we tell that to McCaiden.

So who paints the skies in your world?

What is your wish?

2008-11-19T15:10:00.000-08:00

On our way home from dance last night, McCaiden was nearly falling asleep. It was only 6:45 but with time change, she is ready for bed some nights before it gets dark and is up with the first light of morning. So we were looking at the stars and she wanted to make a wish. She wished for a certain Barbie house that she just can't live without. I always wish for the same thing... health. I hope for wisdom and wealth but always wish for health.

Before I had kids, I never really paid close attention to health. If I got sick or Dennis was sick, it was no big deal. Just curl up and sleep it off. No such luck these days! With work, two kids, a long commute, dance, play dates, school activities... who has time to be sick! I sprained my ankle a week ago. So I have been milking evenings for all they are worth, laying on the couch with my foot up to keep the swelling down. But I still have to go to work, drive to dance, conferences and take the stairs at work when the elevators are being worked on.

Dennis got really sick about 18 months ago. We still don't know what he has. Doctors call it some kind of virus. He has his good days and bad days. And lately, thankfully, his good days are outnumbering the bad. But when its bad, its bad and it worries me to no end. When he first got sick, I thought for sure he was dieing. When no one had answers, I prayed for a tumor or brain mass or something just so we would have an answer and we could deal with it. I spent a few evenings the Spring of 2007 in the ER on the phone with brother in law crying my eyes out, alone, while Dennis was having tests done. Feeling so helpless. What was I going to do without him?

Thru it all, this "virus" has brought us a lot closer. We were best friends before but now we are so close. It really opened my eyes.. health is what matters. Health is what counts.

So with every rainbow, eyelash, first star, double digits on the the clock, every candle I blow out - I wish for health.

Do you?

2008-11-06T10:17:00.000-08:00

This work week has been beyond busy. I am thankful for the work, but just totally drained. Sleepless nights - McCaiden wakes up alot lately - dreaming of superman ice cream of all things; my husband snoring; and of course watching all the election coverage - there are not enough hours in a day to accomplish all the things that need to be done. I have 7 loads of laundry on the couch downstairs to fold and put away... missing a pair of underwear? dig for it! LOL

Add to all that the time change. It is now dark when I get on the road to head home at the end of the day... I despise driving at night... hate it. The kids are sleepy before their actual bedtime and up before the sun.

So Monday night on the way home, I am very sleepy, very slap happy, very hungry... I have the radio blaring and I am singing at the top of my lungs - LOVE IT! Do you sing out loud in the car? Mind you I am not a very good singer, I really can't carry a tune to save my soul but when no one else is around, why not! Pretend I am the best and sing with all my heart. It was a great stress reliever! LOL I set the cruise control leaned back a bit and just drove and sang! I went thru quite a few songs that night, everything from Billy Joel, to John Mayer, to Kid Rock, to Sugarland... Of course, when I got home I had a headache from the music being so loud and sore throat from singing but I felt so relieved!

So, do you sing outloud in the car? What are your favorite driving songs?

On A Happy Note!

2008-11-03T09:21:00.000-08:00

My kids are the best, more than likely I don't appreciate them as much as I should. But I am extremely lucky and thankful and blessed by them everyday! This Halloween, Esdin was a barbarian (I made his costume, not bad huh?) and McCaiden was Sleeping Beauty (last year she was Snow White, do you see a pattern?) Of course they needed to act out such a dramatic play, of the barbarian slaying the princess, and she played right into the part - she is such a diva! It was great! The weather was beautiful, its the first Halloween in a long time that we didn't need coats on top of our costumes!
So, I am not always down in the dumps! LOL - my kids make me smile everyday!!

I need out!

2008-10-31T07:36:00.001-07:00

I need out of this job. I love what I do, I love my customers (for the most part) but it is not filling something. I feel I need to do something else. It is so hard to sit here, day after day, working on projects or fixing other projects, when I want to be out - creating something, selling something, SMILING!... its been a long time since I smiled here. This job is not making me happy. It is so hard to sit here day after day listening to him - my boss - dwell on stupid comments or make rude comments about people...
I have so many ideas and projects rolling around in my head but I am so drained mentally by the end of my day I just collapse, get up the next day and do it all again. I don't feel creatively challenged anymore. I don't have the ambition, money, or TIME to put into full filling my ideas. This job is draining me.
However I can't see myself leaving it. In today's economy, I can't risk that paycheck for my happiness. Isn't it sad that I just said that? I just said in a nutshell that my happiness isn't worth anything. How sad is that? I feel I have no out. I have been her 7 years, and honestly see myself going thru this for another 7 because I don't have a way to leave. As nerve-wracking as it is to listen to him day after day, he is good to me. Gives me the hours I need, the vacation... but what is my happiness worth? Is it worth putting us back in debt for 50 years because I want to be happy? Life is so confusing at times...

Something to ponder...

2008-10-31T07:18:00.000-07:00

One of the comments on another post was a tag... tell 6 things about yourself that others may not know. This was left by my Aunt (or Anut, as we like to call her) Molli... her number 6 really struck a cord with me. How different things are but how they are the same.

Her number 6 is "I wish I could hear my mom say she is proud of me".
On one hand, I wish for the same thing, not only for her but for me. I have never heard my mom, or my parents say they were proud of me. I have only heard I love you from them maybe 5 times in my life and from my recollection those were empty statements. I have never heard that they are proud of me... I have heard a lot of discouraging statements from them...
"why did you move so far away?" because of work
"why did you build a house with so many steps in it?" its a bi-level - 14 steps total
"why is your daughter's name so long?" because we like her name
"can we call your son this instead because we don't like his name?" no you may not

My mom and Aunt Molli are sisters. And yet so totally different. Molli is constantly praising her children and grandchildren, proud of their accomplishments and the lives they have built. I can see how Molli longs for those words from her mom as I long for them from my own. Although, even if my mother were to say those things to me today, I wouldn't believe them. They would be coming from a cold hearted person, void of any emotion that doesn't benefit her.

On the other hand, Molli's mom - my grandma - was/is a very important person in my life. I spent nearly everyday of my childhood with her. At her side, singing, sewing, playing games. We lived in the middle of nowhere, she was my friend, my playmate when my brother wouldn't have anything to do with me. She always praised me, told me she loved me, smiled with me, laughed with me, cried with me. I miss her everyday.

It is so interesting how Molli, may not have heard these things from her mom, yet I heard them from her but not my own mother (confused yet? :) ). And how both Molli and I lavish our own children with what we didn't get from our own mothers.

Be my 10th SALE!

2008-10-24T11:37:00.000-07:00

Be my 10th SALE at my Etsy shop ...because we are and receive a free gift with purchase! I have a few projects to finish up this weekend and hope to have them listed by Sunday! Stop by today! Let me know you stopped by... drop me a convo or leave me a comment! I appreciate your business!

So where did the name ...because we are come from?

2008-10-24T07:20:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned before, I am married to my best friend, Dennis. We met the night I graduated high school and have been married nearly 14 years. Where has the time gone? Seriously, I don't feel old enough to have been married that long! This picture is from our wedding, we look SO young! LOL

Anyway - here is the story behind the name...
Dennis is always cracking jokes, making me laugh, reminding me that everything is going to be fine, no matter what. One day he was getting ready for work and walked out of the bathroom without having any gel in his hair (he has short, spikey hair) and I mentioned "aren't you going to gel your hair?" He asked if I liked it gelled, I said yes, but if he was trying to impress some girl in the office (JOKING!) he could do whatever he wanted. He made the comment that he already had his woman (ME :) ), I said, that is right you couldn't handle another one! LOL

So then he started explaining how everyone always says how much work a marriage is, how you have work at it, rough patches, its like another job. Yes, we do have our spats and disagreements but through all our years together, we have only fought a handful of times, it is a very rare occurrence. His buddies are always saying what a hassle their wives are.
He (and I) don't feel that way. He said our marriage is great, just
...because we are.

We are here for one another, together, best friends. We were meant to be, ...because we are.

So, there you have it - the reason behind the name....

Because We Are...

2008-10-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

Sewing has been a passion of mine since I was a young child. It is in my blood. My entire family, aunts, cousins, grandmothers, all are great creators of things made from fabric, yarn, and thread.

My grandparents (my mom's parents) had 6 girls and all of them are quite handy with the sewing machine. I have great memories at my grandmothers side as a child, handing her squares of fabric that she would sew into a beautiful quilt. Playing in her button box. My cousins and I spent endless hours under the quilt frame as the grown ups hand quilted a blanket. It was our hideout, our fort.

She, my grandma, instilled this passion in all her girls and that has been passed to the next generation. We have a twice yearly retreat, usually once in the spring and once in the fall, at my Aunt Molli's cabin. The retreat started the August after my grandma passed away. We all gathered and went thru bags and bags of clothing, cutting it up, snipping off buttons, and dividing it amongst us all so we could all make our own "grandma quilt". A tradition started. My cousin, Rachel, started by sending out fabric pieces and an invitation. We were to make a quilt square using the supplied fabric and then when we met at the cabin, a name would be drawn (Kari, another cousin, was the winner of the first quilt!). That person would get all the quilt blocks and create a quilt for herself. She would also be in charge of the next gathering. And so, some 2.5 years later, the tradition lives on... we make more than quilts and other sewing projects during that weekend, we make memories. Memories that will last us forever.

Because We Are is a link to my heritage. Every time I sit in front of the sewing machine, with my kids sitting there, playing in the button box or drawing, I am taken back to when I did the very same thing with my grandma. I don't have alot of time on my hands these days. With a longer commute to and from work, a full time job, two kids and their activities, I find myself longing to just sit and sew! But slowly but surely, I find some time to be creative on my own and I have listed those creations in my Etsy shop.

Stop by and check out my offerings. I try to add a little each week, and I always have creations rolling around in my head that I just need to find the time to make them come to fruition.

My First Blog Entry!

2008-10-23T06:45:00.000-07:00

Going out on a limb here, and joining the world of blogging! How exciting! How fun! How terrifying! LOL Please bear with me, as I know nothing about how to set up this blog... this should be fun though!

A little about me. I am a full time Graphic Designer, I have two great kids Esdin, he is 8 and in 3rd Grade and my daughter, McCaiden is 3. I am married to my best friend for nearly 14 years (wow!).

On the side and in my spare time (what little spare time I do have) I love to sew. I have a little shop on Etsy.com www.purplegecco.etsy.com where I dabble in selling my creations. The shop shares the name of my blog ...because we are. That title is a great story from my husband, Dennis, that at some point thru out this blog I will share with you. Where the purplegecco part comes from, well that in itself is a story that will also come out eventually!

I hope to post every day, at least once a day. My hope is to use this blog as a journal of sorts. To write down my feelings, my thoughts, my frustrations and above all else to count my blessings. I will also be sharing on here deals from my online shop, that only you as blog readers can take part in.

If you have stopped by, please let me know! I would love to hear from you.

Have a great day!